revenge of music as the written word

MAESTRO IF YOU PLEASE (PART TWO)

                This has been long in coming. I have been busy or putting it off. I don’t really have an excuse for waiting so long to post this beyond laziness. May was a busy month, but beyond that I can’t offer a good reason for the long break.

                As promised this is a short, unfinished song I wrote about Alaska, but first a bit of an explanation.  This is probably one of the more elaborate songs I have written. I imagine myself singing it and all the lines that are in parentheses (  ) are sung by female backup singers as if echoing my voice.  Though as you will see, they aren’t really. My family and I went to Alaska to visit my cousins. Some of them have since moved.  This is one of the longest trips I’ve ever taken by plane and it was a rarity that we would travel so far.  I’m not sure how we afforded it, but we did. And now, the song:

ALASKA SONG [it doesn’t really have a title]

[slow tempo]

Some people sing of a girl they love,

Some people sing of the stare up above,

Some people sing of the sky, oh so blue,

I’ll try to sing a good song for you.

[up the tempo]

My cousins live in Alaska,

In the sun they do not bask-a

I know  the money can be quite a task-a,

But somehow got to Alaska

(ba da ba da da da)

We went to alaska in an aeroplane (airplane)

We could not a afford a whirlybird (helicopter)

We could not afford a private jet (we’re not rich)

So an aeroplane is what you get (not a pauper)

[Next part spoken like a storyteller or a historian In the style of Monty Python and the search for the Holy Grail.]

                Yes Mike and his family went to Alaska in the June of 2007 just before the summer started to get scorching hot.  It was him, one of his brothers, his parents, and his four grandparents spending some time together in Alaska to have some fun and visit his cousins.  But how did they live in Alaska? I’m glad you asked.

[back to singing]

My cousins live in Alaska,

In the sun they do not bask-a,

I know the motor home life can be quite a task-a,

But that’s how we lived in Alaska.

When in Alaska we rented a motor home (mobile home)

It was an eight sleeper (eight people)

That’s  right, eight entire people in one mobile home (motor home)

Then we bought a six one which was cheaper (two went home)

[spoken again this time like an old cowboy story]

Mike’s family rented an eight person motor home in Alaska for the first seven days then the parent’s of Mike’s father went home. This was the plan all along.  For the remaining time [7 days] it was only six people, so they rented a cheaper motor home.

[end]

That was as far as I got in that song.  It’s a true story.  I enjoyed spending time in the motor home with everyone, though some people had told me it would be hell (pardon my French).  I can’t say that any of the memories were better than another, but two which significantly stand out in my mind right now are as follows.  When my Mom’s dad stole a peanut-shaped plate from a restaurant for my Dad’s mom (she wanted to buy one, but they weren’t for sale) and then my Mom’s father took it back the next morning, correctly assuming that my Dad’s mother would feel guilty, that’s one of them.  And then after watching “The producers without my Dad’s parents, my mom’s father was singing the song “Make it gay” (while in the restroom at a stop, my Dad joking said that he had called my grandfather a crazy person or said something to the effect of “stay away from me”) and I don’t know how long it had been since my grandpa had last sang, but the next day (per my request) my grandma and grandpa performed a song in two part harmony.

Music as the written word.

MAESTRO IF YOU PLEASE (PART ONE)

            Thinking today I realized that I was wrong when I informed you that “The Dinosaur” is the only one of my poems I have memorized.  However, I do think it’s the only poem I’ve memorized that isn’t set to music. I have written a few short songs (that aren’t well known songs slightly altered) and I remember all the words to two of them. The first one I’m going to share with you isn’t entirely mine. I think it might have been delivered by a higher power. I know, almost everything comes from God or whatever you believe in, but this one was a bit different. It came entirely written and with the music already in it.  I’m not certain that it is my own work.  If you ask nicely I might sing it to you sometime.  The only thing this song doesn’t have is a title.

Here we go into the night,

Friendly angels in our flight,

Helping others throughout the land,

We hold the world in our hand.

We come to you when you need us most,

Some regard us as a gho-ost.

Angels forever, that’s what we are,

Helping others near and far

            Next time I will be posting an unfinished song I wrote about my vacation to Alaska.

a special treat

                This will, hopefully, be worst piece you will read on here.

THE EVOLUTION OF A POEM

                If you read my “About Me” you will see reference to my first poem “The Dinosaur.” Along with it being the first poem I ever put to paper, it is also the only poem that I have memorized word for word.  Over the years it has changed with the central story line staying the same, so I have decided to share the first and most recent version with you.   Although it’s not my best poem I think it does a good job of illustrating how even a sub-par writer can excel (even if he can’t make his first poem spectacular). I hope you enjoy it.

THE DINOSAUR

Once there was a dinosaur,

A hundred feet tall or maybe more,

Twenty feet wide and striped all over,

Some people caught him and named him Rover,

Someone found him and gave him the key

And that someone was a little monkey,

For dinner they went to the monkeys house,

And guess what they had. A big fat mouse!

But they decided they weren’t starved,

So they had a turkey, it was carved

And the monkey went to his friend’s house,

And gave his friend the big fat mouse.

And his friend gave it to the dinosaur,

Who was a hundred feet tall or maybe more.

                You’ll notice that the previous poem is a bit clumsy and parts of it don’t make sense. Why did the monkey have to give him the key? Why’d they have a carved turkey, if they weren’t that hungry?  Also it is written in rhyming couplets, something I rarely do anymore (maybe I like to show off with four line stanzas).  As I got older the first thing I changed was his height, he is now “a thousand feet tall or maybe more” I didn’t take into account that 20 feet might make for a very skinny thousand feet tall dinosaur until this most recent version.  When I was a kid I thought feet were a big measurement.  The next thing I did was added another stanza (it will be italicized in the final version) and finally I made a small change to the turkey to get my message across a bit more clearly (that will also be italicized). And now for the official version of “The Dinosaur”

THE DINOSAUR.

Once there was a dinosaur,

A thousand feet tall or maybe more,

A ton of feet wide and striped all over,

Some people caught him and named him Rover.

When he was caught he went into a rage,

And so they locked him in a cage.

Someone found him and gave him the key

And that someone was a little monkey,

For dinner they went to the monkeys house,

And guess what they had. A big fat mouse!

But they decided they weren’t starved,

So they had a turkey, (out of wood it was carved)

Then the monkey went to his friend’s house,

And gave his friend the big fat mouse.

And his friend gave it to the dinosaur,

Who was a thousand feet tall or maybe more.

                If really I wanted to I’m sure I could make the poem better, but it would take A LOT of tweaking. I might even have to deconstruct it all together. I am currently satisfied with the final version, but If I ever get a book of poetry published I either won’t include this poem or it will be even more different.  (As a side note: My brother and I used to sleep in the same room and I would tell him stories or poems I made up on the spot [thanks for the idea Keith]., asking him for a topic This was one such poem and the only one that I remembered well enough to write the next morning.)

This is non-fiction

This is a bit different from most of the work I've been putting on here, but hopefully you will still enjoy it.

ADVICE TO HOPEFUL WRITERS

            You may have read this title and thought to yourself Yeah, right. Who is he to give advice? He’s never even been published, that’s why he has a blog.  If you thought this about most bloggers you may well be right to be skeptical. This time however, you’re wrong. Ha ha ha ha ha! (Note to readers: that is not my imitation of The Shadow, everyone knows that the best amount of times to laugh through text is five :D. Unless you are writing “lol” then it’s a totally different story.)

            For your information I have been published. I have been published in my college newspaper twice, in two different college literary magazines and in a community newspaper. I admit it is not the most impressive resume, but it’s better than nothing.  I also dream of being an author (best-selling if possible), so I have read and heard numerous tips on writing, In this I will just be imparting some very basic tips.  I can’t imagine that I will be able to impart all of my knowledge within one blog.  There may be several installments of this.  (If you enjoy this and want some more in depth tips I strongly suggest The Craft by Stephen King. It is his own advice on writing.)

            First you have to decide what you want to write about.  Some people tell you to write what you know. I disagree. I say if you enjoy writing it then it will show through. If you have some facts wrong, big deal.  Each time you write your skills will increase. Do you have a topic? If not choose one, I’ll wait . . . . Got one? Good! Okay how do wish to write about this topic, through poetry, a short story or are you ambitious and you want to write a full-length book? For novice writers I would not suggest a full length book.  If you attempt a full-length book on your first try you are likely to get frustrated because it is not long enough or it’s taking too long.  If choosing poetry, what kind of poetry?  Free form and rhyming couplets are the most popular, but not necessarily the easiest.  I find pantoums to be quite easy because you only need two new rhyming couplets for each stanza (Google it), but there are also sestinas, sonnets, villanelles, etc. The possibilities are endless. (Caution: villanelles are not the easiest to write, but once again, if you are feeling ambitious more power to you.)

            Maybe you want to write a short story.  I have found that, for me, it’s the easiest to write a short story if you already the beginning and end mapped out, in your mind if nowhere else.   If you have the middle mapped out as well even better, but that has only happened to me once.  I can’t really offer a lot of advice on short stories.  A lot of it depends on your style of writing. Do you like to outline your stories on paper before actually writing them? Do you like to write out the whole thing and then edit and revise? (That’s what I do.) Do you like to write down a lot of random words and then see if you can form a story out of them?  If that last choice is your style then writing may not be the best choice for you ;).

            Some of the biggest advice I can offer is do what works for you.  Don’t let people tell you that you are doing it wrong.  If it works for you, why change?

 One more minor piece of advice, don’t try to be funny (unless you are compiling a joke book), if you are funny it should come naturally. If you force humor into your work it won’t work.  I’ve done it once before and, looking back, I realize that it wasn’t all that funny.  So humor is fine, but let it come naturally, if at all.  When I first heard that you shouldn’t try to be funny it confused me. I have often heard that the humor is part of the best things in my writing. It took me a while to understand what the man was truly trying to say

            And that about does it for my first installment of: Advice for Hopeful Writers.

My Favorite Blue

Just another story about John's favorite Blue.

MY FAVORITE BLUE

            This really was John’s favorite Blue.  He would always capitalize this type of Blue. There were many Blue’s in the world but this one had to be John’s favorite.  Whenever he looked at this Blue it just made John so happy. He was always so glad to have found this Blue.

            Most of John’s waking hours were focused on this Blue and when he went to sleep he often dreamt of this Blue.  That’s how much he loved this Blue. There were some Blues that were close to this Blue that he loved so much, but none exactly the same.  Ever since discovering this Blue John tried to make sure to incorporate this Blue into many of his activities. Playing Frisbee, painting a room, or even just shopping.  He never wanted to be without this Blue, if it was at all avoidable. 

            Now sometimes John understood he would have to be without this Blue. For example he couldn’t have it at his work all the time.  He wasn’t sure if he would be able to focus on his work if this Blue was constantly around.  And it took a while before this Blue was part of his shower.  He talked to this Blue incessantly and people began to notice a bounce in his step after he discovered this Blue. 

            Sometimes John had had a rough day, but this Blue always seemed to make things ok again.  One day John made a decision and he went to store, made a few purchases and that night he took this Blue out to dinner with him.  The next few months were a whirlwind and John didn’t see as much of this Blue as normally did, he was so busy. Then after a few short months John Meltzer and Emma Blue got married. 

I don’t want to give you the wrong idea, they didn’t always get along, but if I revealed that too early it might give away, what I hope was, a surprise ending.  But, they never regretted their decision to get married.  They discussed it carefully with their family and friends beforehand and felt really good about the decision. They have now been married for quite some time and are still going strong.

THE END.

I thought of this story last night and I had to write it down before I forgot it. For those of you who have read my novella (I don't plan on publishing it), you may recognize Alex's voice telling this story, though it's a bit grimmer than most stories he would tell.

FOR THE SAKE OF A TITLE.

Two men (not really friends, more acquaintances) were spending some time together one day.  For the sake of this story we shall call one of them Mark and the other one Ben.  Mark was built like a quarterback with broad shoulders, big frame and strong muscles, the works. This was a bit remarkable because Mark had never really played much football, he stayed in shape by frequently exercising at the local gym.  Ben was Mark’s opposite in almost every way (except for the fact that he was not female).  Ben was short, wore glasses and not too strong, he looked like the stereotypical geek/nerd. 

            For their activity they had decided to go to the shooting range.  Two men just shooting targets just basically having a good time.  Mark was better than Ben, but Ben wasn’t bad either.  As they were finishing their last round Ben turned his gun on Mark. 

            “For the longest time I thought I was the best shooter around here, but you proved me wrong.” Ben told him.  “My dream, ever since I remember, was to be the better than everyone else with a gun, to surpass everyone else’s skill. I wanted the title of Best Gunslinger.  I have trained endlessly to achieve this, but today you have proved that you are even better than me.”

            “It’s not that big a deal, Ben” Mark replied. “I can help you become just as good as I am, there are only a few modifications you would need to make.  Who is a better shot with a gun is nothing to kill someone else over.  Come on, set the gun down.”

            “Mark it may not be a big deal to you, but you have nearly crushed my dream,” Ben explained. “I don’t want to be as good as someone else, I want to be better.  The only way I can regain my status of being the fasted draw, the best shot, the best with a gun all around is to kill you.”

            Before Mark could say another word Ben shot him. Mark lay there on the ground dying and Ben walked away, content. Ben was, once again, the best with a gun . . . for now.

             

           The Moral of the story is: Don’t let anyone or anything stand in the way of your dreams. :D

How-to article

Last year I was in a magazine writing class and this was my favorite article, out of the four I wrote.  I have not tried any of these, but I think it would work. A small How-to article.

HOW TO ELIMINATE SECOND DATE ANXIETY

Say goodbye to second date worries

            I think most men would agree that the hardest part of dating is actually asking the girl out on that first date.  I think many women would say the hardest part is worrying about what to wear or whether they’ll enjoy the date.  On top of that there’s the waiting and wondering if you’ve made a mistake in the first place.  After the first date you would think the hard part is over, right?  Wrong!   Now you have to think about the second date.  Will she accept my proposal of a second date?  Will he call me again?  Did she have as much fun as me? Does he know how bored I was?  The list could go on and on. 

            I’m sure we can all relate, but fear not! Just follow my advice and never again will you be worried about second dates.  You can plan a first date that they will always remember.  With this easy to follow advice the chances of a second date are very slim.  That’s right I’m going to teach you how to have such a terrible first date that a second date is out of the question. 

            There are several ways to ruin a date so I won’t have time to cover all of them but here are some of the more commonly practiced methods by professional date saboteurs world-wide.

 Only moments after the date starts ask them to marry you with as much sincerity as you can manage. (It is even better if you have a ring, save accordingly).

Another option that works wonderfully is going to a movie that is supposed to be wonderful.  This doesn’t seem terrible at first, but wait for it.  While at the movie talk loudly about irrelevant topics throughout the whole thing, especially during the climax.  I’m sure your date and all the other people in the theater will be extremely annoyed with you.

            Ask your date “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” If she says “No” you reply “I’m not surpised.” If she says “Yes” the your reply should be “No, I mean besides your parents” 

            Call them by the wrong name for the entire date no matter how many times they may try to correct you and make no attempt to make it close to their actual name (Don’t say Tiffany in place of Brittany).  “So Mandy. . .”                                                                                                                 “It’s Linda”                                                                                                                                                           “I know your name . . .  What are your hobbies Cass?”

            I admit that these ideas may be a bit too obvious and the woman may see through you and realize that you are trying to blow it.  Maybe you want a more subtle way to destroy your chances at a second date.  That’s an easy fix.  Tell her to dress nice, talk about going to a very nice restaurant.  Then arrive at her house in casual clothes.   As you are driving don’t reveal anything until you pull into a McDonalds or any other fast food joint.  Explain that you wanted to take her somewhere nicer, but A) you couldn’t get a reservation, B) you don’t have enough money for a fancy restaurant, or C) your coupon expired.  Hopefully they will feel so overdressed and be so embarrassed and/or outraged that they will never want to see you again.

            Talk to the date extensively about the numerous books you’ve read, the millions of movies you may have watched, or your favorite television series. Describe each character in detail and then tell each little nuance of the plots, relevant or not, and make sure you go off on plenty of tangents.  Example: For The Princess Bride you could say: So then we meet the man in black, though he’s not really all in black you can see his face and his skin isn’t black.  I have a black friend and he is so funny, he is from Detroit. . . “

            Still too obvious?  Then try this one.  While on the date mention the serious relationships you’ve had in the past non-stop, but instead of mentioning all the reasons that it’s over.  Tell all the things you liked about her/him that your date could not possible hope to do. Maybe even make up a few things, but be careful.  If you say that she gave you a foot massage with her detachable breasts you may have gone too far.

            Go on a date with them and get as intimate as you can safely get, holding hands, a hug, a kiss on the cheek, etc.  Then after the date call them up and tell them that you are gay/lesbian (or straight) and you just wanted to make sure dating them was the wrong thing to do.  Thanks for helping with your “research.”

            Like I said, this is just the tip of the iceberg, there are many other ways to make sure your first date is a complete and total flop, but at least these ideas give you a starting point.  Hopefully, you have thought of some additional ways to ruin your date.  If all else fails just tell them you aren’t into them. After all, isn’t honesty is the best policy.   Now to get out there and have fun making all your first dates total disasters.