something different

I usually try to keep my private life out of this blog but sometimes you need to let people into your world, let them know more of who you are.  I prefer the world of fiction, overall, but there is always some point in our life when we might be driven to read some non-fiction for a change.
This post, while not revealing a lot, relates to something that happened to me just this year.  Back in February the woman I was engaged to and I took a trial separation for eight weeks (which I'm told is the average). After that time I realized that my life was much better without her.  There are a multitude of reason why we split-up but let me just say, to put it simply, she was manipulatative, uncompromising, she started bringing over more and more of her possessions (she's a hoarder) making our small place (a two-bedroom apartment that I share with my brother) cluttered and more crowded despite the protesting that came from various people.  I could go on, but I think you get the basic idea, she was toxic. After I broke-up with her I struggled for a while, but my life is better without her in it. I learned a lot about myself from that relationship and wrote a short essay. I started this essay on April 21st then had two proof-readers (my older brother's girlfriend and my mother). And now, without further ado sit back and enjoy. . . .

WOMEN: CAN’T LIVE WITH THEM, IS THERE LIFE WITHOUT THEM?

Is there life without women? Well, that depends on a number of factors. First, how analytical do you want to be?  If you want to be super analytical then the answer is no, without women the human race would soon die out, as women would stop giving birth. Women would probably be able to survive more easily without men, but men are still needed for their sperm. 

            The next factor you need to consider is whether you are a man or a woman.  If you are a woman you simply CANNOT live without women.  You may be able to live without all women except you, but that’s a lot of responsibility to put on yourself.  Having to bear every man’s child is not easy, eventually your tubes might need to be tied and then where would we be?  It kind of makes you wonder what Adam and Eve first did.  If we believe that they were the only humans created by God and there was a lot of inbreeding in the early days, no wonder so many of us are fucked up. 

            However, I think the readers of this paper understand that I’m not thinking of the above question in the analytical form, but rather theoretically or metaphorically.  Can a man get by without a woman in his life?  The simple answer is yes. After the man has grown into an adult it is even easier.  It’s nice to have a mother and a father, if you’re parents are homosexual it is fine to have two parents of the same sex, but I would think it is also nice to be able to look at the world from both the male and female point of view and if you have both a male and female in your home it is easier than if you have to seek out a member of the other sex elsewhere.  If you are a woman and have two fathers, you would want to know another woman to compare yourself to, and if you are a man with two mothers . . . same deal. Understand that this essay is very biased, because I am a man who has been raised by a male and female set of parents.  I have no experience with being raised by two parents of the same sex.  It is also seen from the point of view of a straight man.  I am not homosexual or bi-curious.  If I were gay I would imagine that it would be EXTREMELY easy to get by without a woman.  If you are straight, you can still get by without women in your life, but it is a bit harder.  I take that back, it is never easy to get by without women, but it is sometimes more difficult for straight men who do not have a girlfriend/fiancé/wife. who belongs to the other gender.  Most men have a mother, a grandmother and/or an aunt who they feel particularly close to. If they don’t, I would wager that they have at least one person who they consider to be a mother figure.  I understand that I might still be acting too analytical, but it’s part of who I am.  So I guess in the end, the answer is actually no.  There will always be women in our lives, women we revere, women we admire, women we hate, and women we might wish we were dating or married to.  However, a wife or girlfriend is not essential to happiness. Happiness is not a state of all your affairs being in order, it is a choice.  True, it’s not always an easy state to reach, but it is possible.  Once you learn to be happy with who you are and where you currently are in life, people usually recognize that and are drawn to you.  Things will start to fall into place.  If you go out trying to make things happen, your desires might be met, but you have to be cautious because sometimes you give up too much to reach those wants and needs. Just put your trust in a higher power and carry on with your life.  Eventually there should be a light at the end of the tunnel and a revelation where you say to yourself “Aha! So that’s why I had to wait so long for X to happen,” or “I now understand why I had to achieve Y before X would be met.”  I grant you that things don’t ALWAYS make sense, but in the end I think you’ll find that there is a logic to most of your life.  I recently got out of a bad relationship, but that relationship has helped me clarify what I want and DON’T want in my next girlfriend.  Before I only had a list of what I did want and because of that nearly every girl met my needs and desires . . . in my mind.  Now that I also know what I don’t want I can see why I did not get to date some of the girls that I wanted to date. Ultimately I would have been dissatisfied, used, or led into a bad relationship without even realizing it.

a bit of fun

DESCRIBING A GOOD DAY.

            I’ve decided that for this post I’m going to do a fictional account of one of the best days of my life, but I’ve often heard that it’s better to show than tell, so for awhile this post will just be words from one side of the “conversation” (internal and external monologue). See if you can guess what experience I’m describing and why it was one of my favorite days.

            “What’s that baby? Do you actually have to ask, I would love that. Let me just get undressed and ready for you.  Oh honey you are so beautiful.  Are you ready? Because I am certainly ready to start. Mmmm that feels so amazing. You are so good at this, have you practiced?   Oh yes! Right there. No wait, let me move a little lower. Harder?  Certainly. Oh yeah, that’s the spot. What’s that? Wherever I want and however I want?  You are so incredible.  Oh my. . . Oooh, Oh yeah you certainly know what you’re doing. What did I ever do to deserve this and someone like you? I love when you do that, rubbing right there. OOOoooh! Come again? Turn over? Ok. Oh, this is incredible.  Yes, I’m enjoying it very much. Are you OK, because I’d love to keep going if we can.  Ohhhh sweetheart, You have no idea how good this feels! I don’t know how some people get by without this in their lives. It just feels so good and it’s even better if you do it with someone you love. Someone who knows you in and out.  Feeling their soft, caring hands all over your body.  Let me give you a kiss, my love.  That was just unbelievable let me just lay here for a bit, I’ll pay you back tonight.”

            Did you understand what the experience was?  That’s right, it was my significant other giving me an amazingly relaxing massage all over my entire body, front and back.  If this were real we would have had sex that night as well!  And, if she asked for it, I would gladly try to give her an equally amazing massage. It’s only a fantasy though; none of my exes have ever given me a massage.  I can always see a masseuse, but the great thing about a girlfriend/fiancé/wife is that they don’t charge you money afterwards.  You can pay them back in other ways.  It all depends on what they like.   It all depends on how you show your love for them and how they receive love from you.

A ghost story?

            I’ve had this story idea for a while, but hadn’t written it down yet. It is told from Alex’s point-of-view, one of my favorite characters. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing these stories. (As always, constructive criticism is appreciated!)

MY HOUSE IS HAUNTED.

            I had just moved into a new home.  My first time living on my own and I was excited and scared at the same time.  The what ifs all kept flying through my mind.  You know what I’m talking about. What if I forgot something? What if the house burns down?  What if my friends don’t want to visit me because they don’t like this house as much as the old one?  What if the house transforms into the Sarlaac pit and slowly digests me over the next thousand plus years?  What if? What if? What if?

I shared my fears with some of my closest friends and, after a lot of reassurances and comforting words, I finally felt secure enough to at least try three days in this new house.  The first night in the house went quite well.  I didn’t need anyone to check under the bed for monsters and I slept like a log. Understand that I didn’t really sleep like a log. I was indoors, I wasn’t in a fireplace, and I was an animate object the whole night, at least as far as I could tell. When I say I slept like a log I mean that I slept the whole night and woke up feeling quite rested.  After living there for three days I was satisfied and decided that maybe living alone wasn’t so bad.  After a few calls I got satellite, internet and a few other things installed that would be helpful in the long run.  That was when the trouble started. (Who didn’t see that coming? Often enough, when life seems perfect, you get thrown a curveball. Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?)

            The first time I heard it I was in on the couch just minding my own business as I watched my favorite cartoon.  Then, out of nowhere, I heard it, a high pitched noise that lasted for about 2 seconds and then stopped.  I figured that was it, but then it happened again.  It went on this way for a while, I had to use two throw pillows, one to either side of my head, to drown it out.  When it finally stopped for more than a minute or two I was relieved I figured that was the end of it. I was wrong.  I started hearing this noise day or night with no rhyme or reason.  I was convinced I had a rare kind of ghost in my house.  I ghost who has a very high voice and loved to roll its Rs or something.  Possibly the ghost thought it was singing, but this “song” was very annoying and only had two quick alternating tones.

 Finally, one day I found out where the noise was coming from a white device in my kitchen.  I noticed if I took it apart the ghost would stop singing.  However, if I listened carefully I could hear a new voice emanating from the device.  And if left alone too long a ghost with a deeper voice would sing its own song for a little while.  The weirdest part of all, I never heard them singing at the same time.  They both seemed to enjoy singing, just not together.  On the third day of this I decided enough was enough and I took out my cell phone to call Max, my closest friend. 

“Hello?” he asked, as he always does when answering his cell.  I don’t know why, my name should have shown clearly on his screen.

“Max, it’s Alex, “I told him, “and I need your help. My house is haunted.”

“Alex, do you know what time it is?”

“Hold on, let me check,” I walked over to my clock, “It’s 2:37 am” I replied.

“Alex why are you calling me in the middle of the night”

“It’s not the middle of the night, it’s very early morning”

Max let out a groan and muttered, “Do you always have to be so infuriatingly literal” Then in his normal voice he asked “Can this wait until normal people are awake, please?”

“I guess” I said with a sigh, “what time would that be?”

“I’ll call you” he said simply.

Later that day, instead of calling, Max just came over, “Ok Alex why do you say your house is haunted?” He asked after walking in.

            “There’s an object in the kitchen and it makes strange noises” I explained.

            “Show me this object,” he said, “I might know how to fix this ‘ghost’ problem” making air quotes when he said ghost.

            I took him to the kitchen and slowly walked over to the white object that had been torturing me day and night. Max looked at it and he started laughing like it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen.

            “That’s . . . your possessed . . . item?” he asked in between laughs.

            I explained everything it had been doing as a result of its possession.

            “Alex, that is a phone. Before cell phones there where things known as 'home phones', when that high voice is ‘singing’ that’s the phone ringing. That low voiced ghost is letting you know that you have left the phone off the hook”

            Max patiently, well patiently for him, showed me how to use this phone.  I was relieved to know that my house wasn’t haunted.  Now if I can just figure out why my bathroom mirror keeps fogging up whenever I take a shower . . .

my new vice redux

I forgot to mention when she, Chad, Conner and I went to a play called "Ragtime" at Hale theater. That was on June 29th. Tomorrow we are all going out to dinner with my parents, then going to the house I grew up in from age nine or ten, and before or after that we are going to a community play, Peter Pan.  I still have story ideas, but when you are dating someone new, they come first. . . as it should be.

My new vice

There has been a change in my life.  This change is still ongoing but it began on June 28th even though some would argue that it TRULY began on July 5th. While I enjoy writing fiction most of my poems relate to real life and this poem is no different.I wrote this poem on the morning of July 9th.

LYMIE

This poem has a theme,

You’ll see what I mean,

If you read it in all entirely

I am sure that you will see.

*You may have to look,

a bit between the lines,

But just like any good book,

You won’t get left behind.

What’s the theme of this poem,

It will be what it will be,

It’s more tangible than foam,

I promise you verily.

Though the pattern and meter may change,

The theme is there constantly,

No letters to rearrange,

No codes without a key.

The theme is indescribable,

Each one seems to vary,

It’s not a toy or ball,

There one I like more than any.

It’s alive and can move,

Everything about it is quite lively,

It has nothing to prove,

It is what it has to be.

It’s smart, it is bold,

And it’s very lovely,

It quite pleasurable to hold,

The theme coming from me

*The theme does not appear in the second stanza. (To uncover the theme of this poem try and think of something that rhymes with the second rhyming word of every stanza, except the second one, that matches the descriptions I gave If you are still clueless unscramble the title.)

END.

f you don't get it feel free to ask me.   The title would argue that our relationship began on July 5th because that was the first time it was only she and I.  Before that it was her, my younger brother, her son and I.  Our next "date" in her eyes is tomorrow. I would argue that we have been on 5 dates wirh our 6th date tomorrow. Our first date on the June 28th where my mom set us up to meet at a barbeque. Our second on July 4th when we went to a parade (my brother, me, her, her son one of her friends and her son's friend). Our third on July 5th when we went to a movie and dinner together ( Just me and her. we saw "This Is The End" it had it's moment but I would rent it instead of going to the theaters or go to the dollars).  Our fourth date on 9th (she, her friend, her son and I went to see "The Croods"). And our fifth date, yesterday, we went bowling and out to dinner. (Me, my brother, her and her son. Both dinners we had hamburgers, we were going to get pizza yesterday, but the pizza place we went to lost it's power a minute or two after we sat down, the restaurant gave us coupons as apology).And then our sixth date will be tomorrow, (we are going to a deaf night out event at the bar I will have to be her translator as long as I catch it, though I've taken ASL I-IV I am not, by any means, fluent in American Sign Language).

the gospel of St. Mike (part 2)

            Many people think they know the story of Adam and Eve (the first two people on the Earth) like the back of their hand, but the Bible got it wrong.  Adam was the first man on Earth, but the details that led to the creation Eve went a bit differently. I’m not talking about Lilith, the wife who was supposed to have come before Eve, I am talking about the partner after Lilith but before Eve came into the picture. However, in order to tell that story you have to know the legend of Lilith.

            According to some stories Adam had a wife before Eve and her name was Lilith.  Instead of being formed from Adam’s rib or ANY part of Adam she was formed just as Adam was, from the earth, clay, dirt, or whatever.  God said in Genesis 2:18 “it is not good for man to be alone” so he formed Lilith so Adam would not be alone.  However, Lilith would not submit to Adam (I don’t think women should have to submit to men I think they should be equals, but that’s my own opinion), because she would not submit, or be Adam’s subservient domestic partner, God banished her from the Garden of Eden.  According to the popular story Eve was then created and everything was hunky-dory.  Not so, there is a whole other story out there that has been neglected.   How many times have you been reading the Bible and thought ‘okay sure, so-and-so begat what’s-his-face and what’s-his-face begat this guy and so on and so on.  Where’s the sex?  You don’t just beget people, there’s sex that leads to that.  Isn’t there any sex in this book?’  Come on, you know you’ve looked for it at least once.  I’m not the only one who’s searched for sex in the Bible, am I?  Oh. . . um. . . okay, never mind.  Regardless, I am here to tell you that the sex which has been neglected in the Bible is in this next story

AFTER LILITH BUT BEFORE EVE.

          It was a fine day and God had just banished Lilith from the garden and everything was going great.  Well everything except for one thing, now that Lilith was gone Adam was alone.  God thought about creating another woman right then and there, but he paused. 

“Lilith proved to be a disaster,” he said to himself, “maybe what Adam really needs is another man, a friend to talk to. Maybe women, while initially seeming like a good idea, aren’t such a great idea for Earth.  Or maybe I should put women on an entirely different planet. I wonder if they would like living on Venus”

So God created some women and placed them on Venus in their own Garden of Eden and then he created another man to be Adam’s friend. This man was named Steve.  Steve and Adam quickly became the best of friends playing games in the garden. Talking about this and that, everything under the stars, the moon, and the sun.  They even talked about the stars and the moon and sun sometimes. Adam and Steve being innocent and curious creatures decided to “experiment” a bit.  (I think you can grasp my meaning, they decided to do a little more than talk.  I don’t know who will and won’t read this so I’m going to be a bit vague, if you want me to be more explicit send me an email and I will send you a more “spicy” version especially for you.)  God didn’t see anything wrong with this, it was just innocent play, but he could tell that Adam missed female companionship. Steve, on the other hand, was not even aware that such a thing as a woman existed.  However, God was still reluctant to send a woman for Adam.  So God made a compromise. He made a slight modification to Steve.  With some creative wordplay Steve transformed from the normal Steve into TS Eve.  Steve was still male physically but would have related more with females, if he/she had even known what a female was.  God hoped that having a more feminine partner would satisfy Adam’s urgings for a female partner.  But while Adam appreciated everything God was doing just for him, he longed for a true woman.  In addition to that now TS Eve knew something was wrong as well.  He/she felt like there was something vital missing, like he/she needed a whole body makeover. 

After much debating God finally sat down and had a long talk with some of his most trusted advisors.  God thought about sending women to Earth instead and letting the men live on Mars, but in the end it was decided that maybe God had been wrong to send all the women to Venus.  Men and women would have to learn to live together in peace.  God decided that he would gradually send more and more women from Venus to Earth and they would acclimate to life on Earth or not.  TS Eve was transformed into female Eve and then Satan realized that God wasn’t really sure what he was doing. Satan realized that maybe God wasn’t as all-knowing as he seemed.  So Satan transformed into a snake and it was entirely too easy to convince Eve to eat the fruit from the tree that God had forbidden them to eat of.  The tree that would give Adam and Eve ultimate knowledge of Good and Evil, or so the fables say.  But really why is sex and/or nakedness seen as evil?  Sex is not a sin and the naked body is supposed to be a work of art, right?  I think the tree was more a tree of guilt than anything else, but I digress.

One small side note before I end this chapter.  Even though Steve was now Eve some of those older versions of him still exist as echoes in humanity and thus we have gay people, lesbians, transsexuals, transgendered people, and everything in between.  Even though Eve is the one that made it into the history books, it’s fun to think that somewhere out there, in an alternate timeline, Adam and Steve are out there having the time of their lives.  Just as God originally intended.