HOW TO ELIMINATE
SECOND DATE ANXIETY
Say goodbye to second
date worries
I think most men would agree that
the hardest part of dating is actually asking the girl out on that first
date. I think many women would say the
hardest part is worrying about what to wear or whether they’ll enjoy the
date. On top of that there’s the waiting
and wondering if you’ve made a mistake in the first place. After the first date you would think the hard
part is over, right? Wrong! Now you have to think about the second
date. Will she accept my proposal of a
second date? Will he call me again? Did she have as much fun as me? Does he know
how bored I was? The list could go on
and on.
I’m sure we can all relate, but fear
not! Just follow my advice and never again will you be worried about second
dates. You can plan a first date that
they will always remember. With this
easy to follow advice the chances of a second date are very slim. That’s right I’m going to teach you how to
have such a terrible first date that a second date is out of the question.
There are several ways to ruin a date
so I won’t have time to cover all of them but here are some of the more
commonly practiced methods by professional date saboteurs world-wide.
Only moments after the
date starts ask them to marry you with as much sincerity as you can manage. (It
is even better if you have a ring, save accordingly).
Another option that works wonderfully is going to a movie
that is supposed to be wonderful. This
doesn’t seem terrible at first, but wait for it. While at the movie talk loudly about
irrelevant topics throughout the whole thing, especially during the
climax. I’m sure your date and all the
other people in the theater will be extremely annoyed with you.
Ask your date “Has anyone ever told
you how beautiful you are?” If she says “No” you reply “I’m not surpised.” If
she says “Yes” the your reply should be “No, I mean besides your parents”
Call them by the wrong name for the
entire date no matter how many times they may try to correct you and make no
attempt to make it close to their actual name (Don’t say Tiffany in place of
Brittany). “So Mandy. . .”
“It’s Linda”
“I
know your name . . . What are your
hobbies Cass?”
I admit that these ideas may be a
bit too obvious and the woman may see through you and realize that you are trying to blow it. Maybe you want a more subtle way to destroy
your chances at a second date. That’s an
easy fix. Tell her to dress nice, talk
about going to a very nice restaurant.
Then arrive at her house in casual clothes. As you are driving don’t reveal anything
until you pull into a McDonalds or any other fast food joint. Explain that you wanted to take her somewhere
nicer, but A) you couldn’t get a reservation, B) you don’t have enough money
for a fancy restaurant, or C) your coupon expired. Hopefully they will feel so overdressed and
be so embarrassed and/or outraged that they will never want to see you again.
Talk to the date extensively about
the numerous books you’ve read, the millions of movies you may have watched, or
your favorite television series. Describe each character in detail and then
tell each little nuance of the plots, relevant or not, and make sure you go off
on plenty of tangents. Example: For The
Princess Bride you could say: So then we meet the man in black, though he’s
not really all in black you can see his face and his skin isn’t black. I have a black friend and he is so funny, he
is from Detroit. . . “
Still too obvious? Then try this one. While on the date mention the serious
relationships you’ve had in the past non-stop, but instead of mentioning all
the reasons that it’s over. Tell all the
things you liked about her/him that your date could not possible hope to do.
Maybe even make up a few things, but be careful. If you say that she gave you a foot massage
with her detachable breasts you may have gone too far.
Go on a date with them and get as
intimate as you can safely get, holding hands, a hug, a kiss on the cheek,
etc. Then after the date call them up
and tell them that you are gay/lesbian (or straight) and you just wanted to
make sure dating them was the wrong thing to do. Thanks for helping with your “research.”
Like I said, this is just the tip of
the iceberg, there are many other ways to make sure your first date is a
complete and total flop, but at least these ideas give you a starting
point. Hopefully, you have thought of
some additional ways to ruin your date.
If all else fails just tell them you aren’t into them. After all, isn’t
honesty is the best policy. Now to get out
there and have fun making all your first dates total disasters.
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