personification story

            My grandfather has a sword leaning against the wall at his home.  It is not sharp enough to cut anything, but as a member of the marines it was given to him, in honor of his service. My friend has a stylish sword and wants a samurai sword.  I got to thinking, in the more ancient times swords were used to defend ourselves.  Now, swords are a fun thing to have, but there is not much use to them other than just a fun thing to look at and admire.  All of these kind of thoughts inspired this short story.

TWO SWORDS

            For as long as I’ve been alive I have learned that inanimate objects cannot talk. I’ve been told that if an inanimate object is talking to you then odds are you are crazy.  I believed that until recently.  

            Just the other day I was minding my own business when I heard some voices. Curious I went in the direction of these voices and realized that the voices were coming from two swords, lying side by side.  Amazed I kept a safe distance and hid in hope that they wouldn’t know I was there. I overheard their conversation. For the reader I have transcribed what I heard.

Sword 1 (We’ll call him Sharp): “. . . You’ve been going on and on telling me that your master is such a great master, the greatest man that ever lived, but you haven’t provided any examples.  I think that MY master is the best master a sword could hope for.   What makes your master so great?”

Sword 2 (We’ll call him Shiny): “Why don’t we compare stories? At the end we can truly know who has the better master.  I’ll be courteous and let you go first.”

Sharp:  “My master has fought many battles and never lost a single battle. I get to truly enjoy the feeling of my blade tearing through the skin and muscles of my enemies. One of my favorite parts is when he stabs me right through someone’s heart.  Feeling that heart pump. A soft, warm, moist heart. Feeling it squirt its wonderful sticky blood, feeling it tighten and loosen a few times massaging my blade until it shudders and pumps for the last time. My master never lets me get dull. He sharpens me after each fight. While you, on the other hand, don’t look sharp enough to pierce a cotton ball, I doubt you’d even leave a dent.

I have traveled the world and seen some of the great sights of the world. Have you ever left the city?”

Shiny: “It’s true that I’m not kept sharp, but my master is still an amazing man.  He shines me daily and sometimes he takes me out just to admire my gleam. He’ll proudly show me off to any visitor who asks to see me.  Have you ever felt that warm glow when someone admires you? When they look at you with love and admiration? I notice that you have some of the blood of your past victims still on you. He may keep you sharp, but he doesn’t seem to keep you the cleanest. I don’t need to be kept sharp, because my master never engages in fights.

I haven’t traveled much, but I always know what to expect. I always know that at the end of the day my master will lay me against the wall. I am satisfied knowing that he loves me and will keep me looking good.”

Sharp: “Your master seems like the most boring man that ever lived I much prefer the adventurous life hacking and slashing my enemies.”

Shiny: “I enjoy the quiet life, having a normal routine that doesn’t change depending on who, where, and/or when I’m fighting. I prefer my life.”

Sharp has lived a life full of adventure and traveled the world.  He may not know what tomorrow brings and may have rust on his blade, but he will always be kept sharp and he can be sure that it will bring a new adventure.

Shiny has not traveled very much, but he is always gleaming and in nice condition.  He is not kept sharp but he does not need to be sharp. He just needs to look good and is content with the fact that his master loves him.

They both have very different lives, but each think their life is better. They wouldn’t change their life for anything. So I guess in the end the choice is yours. Which sword has the better life? Which sword would you rather be?

not-fictional

I do a lot of reading and I have many favorite books and there are lot of books that are a series that I enjoy. in one of them the author does "Author's notes" at the very end and I enjoy those (I once returned a book because the chapter "author's notes) was missing.  I think I enjoy them because it reminds me that the author is a real person with his life separate from his books.  So this is not my first factual post and it will not be my last.  I wrote this 6 days ago and stayed up a bit later than usual as a result. If you don't like non-fiction feel free to give this one a miss. And now I'm proud to present. . . 

                                         THE NECESSITY OF BREAK UPS.

Everyone knows how hard break ups can be, but they are essential if you are to ever find who you are looking for. At least, that’s my opinion. It might sound ridiculous to you but hear me out. If you are going through a recent break up, or have never been through a break up you might not fully appreciate it. But for the rest of you, I think you’ll understand me in the end.  

You may or may not find this hard to believe, but I don’t have the greatest track record with dating. Don’t get me wrong I dated a decent amount in high school, I went on a fair amount of first dates, but they didn’t start until my Junior year and that was all they were, first dates. Now I am a guy, so I am partly at fault, unless the date was incredible I never tried for a second date.  My second date was actually the first girl (out of three) who I have been on more than one date with. That’s right, I can count on my limbs the number of girls who I’ve gone on a second date with.  And some were my fault, ok most were my fault, but there was one girl who told me (as nicely as she could) that one date with me was enough to decide she didn’t want to date me anymore. So my first girlfriend (who I met in my Junior year was awesome. In my eyes she was perfection and could do no wrong.  That’s what happens for too many of us, in the early part of dating we put the other person on a pedestal and put expectations on them that they can never hope to live up to.  (We do the same thing with real life heroes.) In the end, she dumped me for personal reasons and I saw it coming, I was actually considering whether or not I should end thing with her.  

After that break up, my first break up I was understandably mad. I had devoted myself to her, I had only been dating her and then she dumps me because another guy who she’d been dating had proposed to her.  Now don’t get me wrong, I knew she was dating another guy, she hadn’t tried to hide it, but I had hoped that we would get past that (and the fact that our religious beliefs were different) and find some way to be together.  She had broke the news to me over email. At the time I hated her for not doing it face to face, but in the end I got over my anger and emailed her a polite email thanking her and we were still polite when we saw each other in the future.  Which is a good thing because she worked at a store that I went to a fair amount.  If she had told me in person, I might have exploded and said some things I’d later regret or broken down and made her feel like a horrible person. So, in this case, email was actually the perfect way to do it. 

I won’t bore you with the details of the second person I had more than one date with, but let’s just say that (once again) she broke up with me. She did it in person on our fourth date, so neither of us were highly invested in it and we also parted on good terms. 

Fast forward to the third person I have been on more than one date with and I thought she was the one.  We were all but married, I’d proposed to her and (for reasons of our own) we had a commitment ceremony and didn’t turn any papers in to the state. I highly recommend doing the same because it makes the divorce a lot less messy considering the fact that the law never knew you were married in the first place.  This time I let her know it was over.  This time I broke up with her.  I wasn’t exactly happy about it, but I knew that, in the end, I was better off without her.  With the help of our therapist I convinced her to refrain from any contact with me for eight weeks and she almost did it. She dropped by some cookies (incognito) and she sent my roommate a letter THE DAY BEFORE those eight weeks were up.  Now understand, if I had decided that we were better together, that she made my life better, I would have overlooked those two infractions of the rules.  However, in the end, I decided that my life was better without her in it. I still had a place in my heart for her and I don’t wish her any ill will (even if I do occasionally say things to the contrary) but I couldn’t be involved with her any longer.  

Now you might be saying thanks for boring me to tears with your life story, but I still don’t agree that break-ups are a necessary part of life that’s because I haven’t gotten to that part yet. In my first relationship I was just happy to be in love. I was in love with the idea of being in love. She is and was an awesome person, don’t get me wrong, but if I had taken a step back and really examined things I would have realized that our relationship wouldn’t end with “happily ever after,” But when she broke up with me I exploded inside and almost sent her an angry reply, until I had a talk with a person who had experienced break up before and I realized that I would rather be her friend instead of losing her forever. In my second relationship, I was just glad to be dating again, happy to have someone of the opposite sex to hang out with, but we only dated once a month for it didn’t hold a lot of promise and I still wouldn’t have broken up with her if it had been my choice. I was starting to believe that there was something wrong with ME and that I would be happy to have any girl. Then in walks Miss Wrong disguised as Miss Right.  I don’t regret my relationship with her, if I regret anything it’s that it lasted as long as it did. I didn’t truly appreciate that line until just barely.  It only lasted for about eight months before we did our trial separation, but there were warning bells that I should have noticed, but instead I ignored them. She was my first in more ways than one and she was willing to offer “pleasure” every night, if I felt up to it.  Such a woman can make you ignore even the worst things about her. In addition to that, we were always on the go I didn’t really have time for reflective thinking or I might have realized there was something wrong sooner. 

But where is my point, right? After breaking up with Emily I realized all the things that were wrong with her, all the things I had ignored. I had known beforehand what I wanted in a woman, but I hadn’t realized what I didn’t want.  Because of this far too many women had met my qualifications, almost any woman met my qualifications with only a few women being ruled out.  I ruled out some women and back then I couldn’t have told you why, I can now.  If someone breaks up with you, you can say, they don’t know what they’re missing out on.  And you can blame it all on them. 

Some people ever says “It’s not you, it’s me.”  But if you break up with someone you can’t say “They don’t know what they’re missing” or anything like that. They might be totally aware of what they are missing out on, but YOU broke up with THEM.  When I broke up with Emily I realized why it was necessary to cut her loose and my dating pool drew smaller. Before her I had known what I wanted, but I hadn’t realized what would make or break a relationship for me.  Overall, it was an experience I needed to have and learn from.  

When you break up with someone you have to take a step back and think why did I break up with this person? What should I look for in my next relationship?  What should I avoid so I don’t make the same mistake I made this time? Now I’m not saying that I have all the answers, I’m also not saying that I have solved life, hell, I’m not even sure I know ALL the things I don’t want in a woman. My next long term girlfriend might make Emily look like a walk in the park, God forbid.  All I’m saying is that, for me, breaking up with a woman was necessary and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Sure it’s painful and I miss having a warm body to sleep next to. I miss having a woman who can make me feel things I can’t experience alone.  But I learned and have more dimension to myself because of it.  Dating Emily built character and having more character is not something to complain about.  That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and now I am stronger and understand more about life than I ever have. Life is experience, it’s not all bad it’s not all good, but you can benefit from everything if you just cast it in the right light. And that’s my two bits. Thanks for bearing with me and reading to the end. I know it took a while to get here but I think it was worth the wait and I hope you agree.

Your friend,

Mike. 

ramblings then topic

Others may say that I’m naïve (for you dyslexics out there I’m referencing the symptom where you are gullible and inexperienced in the world, instead of fancy spring water) or that I‘m suffering from “Pollyanna syndrome“, but I truly believe that, with the right outlook, you can turn negatives to a positive. It may take a while depending on what the negative is, but it is possible.  One thing I have read in the past is that you should write what you know and it took me a while to understand what that were saying. I think what it means is, if you don’t know about X don’t write about it without doing the proper research. If I was to write about what it is like to be a female instead of a male I would fail miserably, because I have not experienced life as a female. (If I have experienced being a female in a past life I certainly don’t remember it.)
You will always write about things you have experience in better than thing you are inexperienced in. It seems like a no-brainer, but some people forget that. I’m not saying that fiction writing is a bad choice, but if you are writing a story that has a lot of fighting in it, don’t try to name karate moves that you have seen in Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat. I could be wrong, but I don’t think it is possible to throw a flaming fireball from your hands without a lot of preparation.  However, that doesn’t mean that you cannot write about talents like that. Just make sure that your readers know that this character has supernatural powers and/or set the story in a world that is different from the one we all live in.  I have written about some moves in the past, but I did not specify the fighting style, I do not know that all the moves in my book are possible, but I painted my characters as ones that have done ridiculous amounts of study on different fighting styles, so I think I’m covered.
I am rambling on and on and getting off topic and I apologize. If you can’t handle this maybe you are reading the wrong author. I don’t think this will be the last time I ramble or get off topic.
I started writing this with a totally different objective and it got away from me.  What I was trying to say, back in the beginning is that there are pros and cons to every situation (nothing is all bad or all good) and life experiences are the one thing you can write about without having to worry about extensive research. I have recently thought about something I have experienced that needs to be examined so now, without further ado I give you . . .
THE PROS AND CONS OF HAVING A SPEECH DISORDER.

Pro: You will rarely be called upon to give a speech or say the prayer unless the people in the group hardly know you (If you don‘t like talking in front of people, no problem).
Con: You are rarely called upon to give a speech or say a prayer unless people in the group hardly know you (How else are they going to get to know you?).

Pro: If you stumble and stammer when talking to an attractive member of the opposite sex you can blame it on your speech disorder.
Con: You and I both know that’s not the ONLY reason you failed to impress that person who causes your heart to skip a beat.

Pro: People will understand if you aren’t as talkative as some people, they might even appreciate the fact that you aren’t talking their ear off
Con: People don’t always know it if you are giving them the “silent treatment.”

Pro: You don’t get asked stupid questions.
Con: You don’t always get to ask your stupid questions.

Pro: You don’t have to talk to those annoying people.
Con: You might be perceived as one of those annoying people (plus you might miss out on talking to amazing people.)

Pro: You can tell if people are interested in what you have to say because they’ll ask you to repeat what you said, repeat what they understood, and/or sometimes try to fill in the blanks.
Con: You have to repeat yourself several times and hear what you say repeated, and sometimes it‘s repeated incorrectly

Pro: You might become amazingly proficient in another form of communication to compensate. Example: writing ;)
Con: You had to find other ways to communicate in the first place.

Pro: If you‘ve been to tons of different speech therapists you can practically teach speech therapy.
Con: It’s hard to get clients if you aren’t licensed and/or don’t have a diploma claiming as much. (That’s when you get out a printer and the fancy writing, DIY diploma anyone? [Tip: Make sure you use an obscure college, you don‘t want anyone calling the school to check your degree])

Parental Advisory!

This is a fun little "radio" ad that I wrote.  It does not represent my actual desire(s). I just tried to be as funny/outrageous as I could be while inventing a sex toy ;). (I wrote this in 2012)

A NEW CLASS OF SEX TOYS.

                (Audio only)

                [Our scene opens with the sounds of a woman’s voice pleasuring herself, after she finishes. . . ]

                Voice of a teletubby: Again, again!/Yay!/Uh-oh!

                Announcer: How often have you gotten bored with a personal pleasure toy?  Those of you with enough money may have even bought a life size doll.  However, these can only be satisfying for so long.  We always long for more.  You may start watching Adult videos while pleasuring yourself, you might buy a better doll that caters to your particular fetish, or you may really need something different and begin to consider pushing your comfort zones.  But wait, we have a better solution!, that’s right!  We here at Wockerjab have come up with a new product that’s sure to please everyone. From the same company that brought you the Mr. Snuffleupagus dildo and Barney, the purple dinosaur, bangs Baby Bop: Let’s learn about sex.  If you are like us you have often wished that you could keep your attention on your life-size doll while also watching an adult video.  Now you can! That’s right we heard your pleas and after much careful thought your prayers have been answered!

                We at Wockyjab are proad to announce the first ever teletubbie pleasure doll.  You just put the dvd in their rear (or their mouth if it’s a video) and watch any adult video of your choice. Plus, because teletubbies aren’t really human they have more holes than your average doll.  Your dreams of having a teletubbie pleasure doll have been answered.  Like you, many of us have dreamed of having a teletubbie doll to have some adult fun with.  Now I know what you are saying, “but WockerJab, I’m a female I wouldn’t enjoy such a doll.” In anticipation of this we have developed an all new Teletubbie who has different sized bulges all over him, we call him DickyWang. 

                And that’s not all if you’re gay we have TInkyWinky the original gay pride teletubbie.  These things are selling like hotcakes so call now! (stage whisper) Have the phones started ringing yet?

inspired by The Sessions.

A few months ago I saw a movie called "The Sessions" and while the summary may sound a bit risque I highly recommend it to any of my mature readers (by that I mean 17 or older).  In that movie the main character falls in love with the leading actress and he composes a love poem to her.  While trying to pick his words you hear him say "tell me . . . let me . . . show me. . ." that is where I go the inspiration for this, my newest poem, enjoy.

TELL ME, LET ME, SHOW ME

Tell me that you love me,

Tell me every day,

Let me love you also,

In my own special way,

Show me that you love me,

In what you do and say.

Tell me that you hate me,

Hate me with all your might

Let me hate you also,

I’ll say it with great delight,

Show me that you hate me,

But don’t do it out of spite.

Tell me that you like me,

Say you’ll be my friend,

Let me like you also,

Let our friendship never end,

Show you me that you like me,

When there’s a hand that you can lend.

You can treat me any way you like,

And think of me what you will,

Understand I might respond in kind,

I’m just trying to keep things real,

I’m usually pretty laid back,

But even I can get my fill.

something different

I usually try to keep my private life out of this blog but sometimes you need to let people into your world, let them know more of who you are.  I prefer the world of fiction, overall, but there is always some point in our life when we might be driven to read some non-fiction for a change.
This post, while not revealing a lot, relates to something that happened to me just this year.  Back in February the woman I was engaged to and I took a trial separation for eight weeks (which I'm told is the average). After that time I realized that my life was much better without her.  There are a multitude of reason why we split-up but let me just say, to put it simply, she was manipulatative, uncompromising, she started bringing over more and more of her possessions (she's a hoarder) making our small place (a two-bedroom apartment that I share with my brother) cluttered and more crowded despite the protesting that came from various people.  I could go on, but I think you get the basic idea, she was toxic. After I broke-up with her I struggled for a while, but my life is better without her in it. I learned a lot about myself from that relationship and wrote a short essay. I started this essay on April 21st then had two proof-readers (my older brother's girlfriend and my mother). And now, without further ado sit back and enjoy. . . .

WOMEN: CAN’T LIVE WITH THEM, IS THERE LIFE WITHOUT THEM?

Is there life without women? Well, that depends on a number of factors. First, how analytical do you want to be?  If you want to be super analytical then the answer is no, without women the human race would soon die out, as women would stop giving birth. Women would probably be able to survive more easily without men, but men are still needed for their sperm. 

            The next factor you need to consider is whether you are a man or a woman.  If you are a woman you simply CANNOT live without women.  You may be able to live without all women except you, but that’s a lot of responsibility to put on yourself.  Having to bear every man’s child is not easy, eventually your tubes might need to be tied and then where would we be?  It kind of makes you wonder what Adam and Eve first did.  If we believe that they were the only humans created by God and there was a lot of inbreeding in the early days, no wonder so many of us are fucked up. 

            However, I think the readers of this paper understand that I’m not thinking of the above question in the analytical form, but rather theoretically or metaphorically.  Can a man get by without a woman in his life?  The simple answer is yes. After the man has grown into an adult it is even easier.  It’s nice to have a mother and a father, if you’re parents are homosexual it is fine to have two parents of the same sex, but I would think it is also nice to be able to look at the world from both the male and female point of view and if you have both a male and female in your home it is easier than if you have to seek out a member of the other sex elsewhere.  If you are a woman and have two fathers, you would want to know another woman to compare yourself to, and if you are a man with two mothers . . . same deal. Understand that this essay is very biased, because I am a man who has been raised by a male and female set of parents.  I have no experience with being raised by two parents of the same sex.  It is also seen from the point of view of a straight man.  I am not homosexual or bi-curious.  If I were gay I would imagine that it would be EXTREMELY easy to get by without a woman.  If you are straight, you can still get by without women in your life, but it is a bit harder.  I take that back, it is never easy to get by without women, but it is sometimes more difficult for straight men who do not have a girlfriend/fiancé/wife. who belongs to the other gender.  Most men have a mother, a grandmother and/or an aunt who they feel particularly close to. If they don’t, I would wager that they have at least one person who they consider to be a mother figure.  I understand that I might still be acting too analytical, but it’s part of who I am.  So I guess in the end, the answer is actually no.  There will always be women in our lives, women we revere, women we admire, women we hate, and women we might wish we were dating or married to.  However, a wife or girlfriend is not essential to happiness. Happiness is not a state of all your affairs being in order, it is a choice.  True, it’s not always an easy state to reach, but it is possible.  Once you learn to be happy with who you are and where you currently are in life, people usually recognize that and are drawn to you.  Things will start to fall into place.  If you go out trying to make things happen, your desires might be met, but you have to be cautious because sometimes you give up too much to reach those wants and needs. Just put your trust in a higher power and carry on with your life.  Eventually there should be a light at the end of the tunnel and a revelation where you say to yourself “Aha! So that’s why I had to wait so long for X to happen,” or “I now understand why I had to achieve Y before X would be met.”  I grant you that things don’t ALWAYS make sense, but in the end I think you’ll find that there is a logic to most of your life.  I recently got out of a bad relationship, but that relationship has helped me clarify what I want and DON’T want in my next girlfriend.  Before I only had a list of what I did want and because of that nearly every girl met my needs and desires . . . in my mind.  Now that I also know what I don’t want I can see why I did not get to date some of the girls that I wanted to date. Ultimately I would have been dissatisfied, used, or led into a bad relationship without even realizing it.

a bit of fun

DESCRIBING A GOOD DAY.

            I’ve decided that for this post I’m going to do a fictional account of one of the best days of my life, but I’ve often heard that it’s better to show than tell, so for awhile this post will just be words from one side of the “conversation” (internal and external monologue). See if you can guess what experience I’m describing and why it was one of my favorite days.

            “What’s that baby? Do you actually have to ask, I would love that. Let me just get undressed and ready for you.  Oh honey you are so beautiful.  Are you ready? Because I am certainly ready to start. Mmmm that feels so amazing. You are so good at this, have you practiced?   Oh yes! Right there. No wait, let me move a little lower. Harder?  Certainly. Oh yeah, that’s the spot. What’s that? Wherever I want and however I want?  You are so incredible.  Oh my. . . Oooh, Oh yeah you certainly know what you’re doing. What did I ever do to deserve this and someone like you? I love when you do that, rubbing right there. OOOoooh! Come again? Turn over? Ok. Oh, this is incredible.  Yes, I’m enjoying it very much. Are you OK, because I’d love to keep going if we can.  Ohhhh sweetheart, You have no idea how good this feels! I don’t know how some people get by without this in their lives. It just feels so good and it’s even better if you do it with someone you love. Someone who knows you in and out.  Feeling their soft, caring hands all over your body.  Let me give you a kiss, my love.  That was just unbelievable let me just lay here for a bit, I’ll pay you back tonight.”

            Did you understand what the experience was?  That’s right, it was my significant other giving me an amazingly relaxing massage all over my entire body, front and back.  If this were real we would have had sex that night as well!  And, if she asked for it, I would gladly try to give her an equally amazing massage. It’s only a fantasy though; none of my exes have ever given me a massage.  I can always see a masseuse, but the great thing about a girlfriend/fiancé/wife is that they don’t charge you money afterwards.  You can pay them back in other ways.  It all depends on what they like.   It all depends on how you show your love for them and how they receive love from you.